Saturday, March 27, 2010

All The Things I Never Knew

If I were to make a list of all the things I don’t know, then it could very well go on for miles. A simpler, easier list to make would contain all the things that I do know, but I’ve never been one to take the simple, easy route. So, if anyone ever asks me to recite all the things I don’t know, this is what I will say:

Before I met my husband I had no idea what it feels like to take a giant leap of faith. It takes great courage to stand up before the world and say, “I have no freaking clue what the future will bring. I only know that I want to experience it with this person by my side. We’ll take all the good, all the bad, all that life wants to throw at us and we’ll keep on going. We’re untested and unproven, but none of that matters because I believe in this person. I believe in us.”
Years ago, when I took a deep breath, leapt blindly into the unknown, believing in something I couldn’t see, I didn’t know what I know now. It was a smart decision.

I never knew what fear tasted like until the day my son stopped breathing when he was only 10 weeks old.
Now, I know just how primal and deep my mother’s love for this child goes. There is no way to measure it.

I didn’t know how much I love my dad until that day I picked up the phone and heard the words, “Your dad had a heart attack.”
I know that I’ll be forever grateful we’ve been given a second chance and we take advantage of it.

Until September 11, 2001 I never knew how much I sometimes just need to hear my mom’s voice. When the morning news broadcast the words that my generation had never heard, “The United States is under attack!” What’s the very first thing I thought to do? I called my mom. Just hearing her voice made me feel safe. I know she can’t really stop the world’s cruelties, but I feel better knowing she’s near by.

I have never known what it’s like to be alone in the world. Before I was even born I had a large family waiting for me to fill an empty spot. I have two brothers, one sister and I know we drive each other crazy sometimes (most times actually) but we’re there for each other when it really matters. I know that will never change.

I’ll never know why I have such good friends. I never call when I say I will. I frequently forget birthdays and I never show up on time for anything. Somehow, I’m tolerated despite my many flaws and I know I’m thankful for that.

If you’re still reading this then I don’t know how I kept your attention so long, but I know that I’m really glad I got the chance to say these things and I’m glad you listened.

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